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Derek's work has been registered at the U.S. Library of Congress, so it would be a terrible financial idea to plagiarize or use any of the material found on this website for your own purposes. Nevertheless, enjoy the writing!

Don't Drink and Attempt Archery

Cupid took hold of his
    Trust-worthy bow.
        He'd had one too many,
            But he didn't know.
                He flew in a path as
                    Erratic as snow,
                        But somehow still spotted
                            A sad girl below.
                                He grabbed up an arrow,
                            From his sturdy sheath,
                        And aimed at the girl
                    Who was crying beneath.
                His smile, as he fired,
            Showed each of his teeth,
        'Cause true Love upon this girl
    He would bequeath.

With alcohol turning his
    Vision to blur,
        Cupid came sev'ral yards
            From hitting her.
                So rather than make her
                     Pulse race and heart stir,
                          The arrow had lodged itself
                                Into a fir.

                           Cupid just stared at his
                    He botched things up badly,
               He could plainly see,
            And hoping this problem
        He could remedy,
    He fired one more arrow
At a neighboring tree.

As one might imagine,
    His shot went awry.
        The arrow, as crooked
            As Cupid, did fly,
                And punctured the lonely girl
                    Right in the thigh,
                        Not helping the girl's sodden eyes
                             Start to dry.

                               Now Cupid was puzzled;
                            Not sure how he felt
                        About how this situation
                    Should be dealt,
                For, though he did make the
            Lonely girl's heart melt,
        Her driven embrace would
    Sure leave a welt.

At last, Cupid figured out
    Which route to take.
        His Love-spreading, heart-warming
            Rep was at stake.
                He'd fire one more arrow
                    At some dashing Jake,
                        'Cause things had to change
                            For decency's sake.

                                But time had grown scarce
                            And the angel's hopes sunk;
                        The girl was undressing while
                    Ogling the trunk.
                So calmly ignoring the
            Fact he was drunk,
        Cupid still managed to
    Target the hunk.

His third shot that day
    Was a blazing success.
        He needed to fire one more
            To fix the mess.
                With precision and thought and
                    Slight cockiness,
                        He aimed at the girl he had
                            Caused much distress.
                                Now Murphy was stubborn,
                            He just would not quit;
                        The aim of the arrow was
                    Off by a bit,
                And with mighty force,
            The same tree did it hit.
        If Earth were the bulls-eye,
    He'd probably miss it.

Both humans were fighting for
    Arboreal Love,
        While Cupid flew wildly,
            Like a short-sighted dove.
                Where once Cupid reached out
                    With Love-giving glove,
                        He now was a symbol of
                            Mischief above.
                                Instinctively, Cupid
                            Reached back to his quiver
                        With hopes that some true Love
                    He could deliver.
                An arrow was pulled by the
            Loaded Love-giver,
        That pierced his own buttocks
    And made his heart shiver.

Now filled with a mixture of
    Liquor and passion,
        Cupid fell downward in
            Baby-grand fashion.
                His arrows had scattered
                    In uneven ration
                        And Cupid, on impact,
                            Grew unsightly ashen.

                                The first arrow found itself
                             Infixed in a hearse,
                        And Cupid, now struck with the
                    Passionate curse,
                Flew crazily after the
            Cadaver purse.
        Things had progressed from
    Atrocious to worse.

At last, Aphrodite,
    Eternally charmed,
        Examined the scene and was
            At once alarmed.
                She saw all of Nature that
                    Her son had harmed,
                        And then saw her winged son
                            Tanked and unarmed.

                                She noticed two people
                            In love with a pine.
                        Elsewhere she witnessed
                    A deer-crossing sign
                Being asked on a date by
            Ernest Borgnine. 
        This time her befuddled son
    Had crossed the line.

So calmly and nobly, she
    Sank through the night,
        Determined to transform
            Folly to right,       
                And as she so gracefully
                    Ended her flight,
                        She stepped on an arrow;
                            How ironic, her blight.

                                Now filled with the love
                            She so frequently spread,
                        The Love goddess spotted
                    A time-beaten shed
                In which Cupid's arrow
            Did gladly embed.
        She'd found her true sweetheart,
    Though wooden and red.

In time, the effects of the
    Arrows wore thin   
        And calm reluctantly       
            Settled back in,
                But stern Aphrodite would not
                    Let Cupid win,
                        She always reminded him
                            Of his insolent sin.
                                 As Valentine's Day comes and
                            Loneliness too,
                        And you wait for Cupid to
                    Turn your dreams true,
                Remember, you can't shoot Love
            Out of the blue.   
        But true Love might some day                       
    Have targeted you.