Disclaimer –
Derek's work has been registered at the U.S. Library of Congress, so it would be a terrible financial idea to plagiarize or use any of the material found on this website for your own purposes. Nevertheless, enjoy the writing!Don't Drink and Attempt Archery
Cupid took hold of his
Trust-worthy bow.
He'd had one too many,
But he didn't know.
He flew in a path as
Erratic as snow,
But somehow still spotted
A sad girl below.
He grabbed up an arrow,
From his sturdy sheath,
And aimed at the girl
Who was crying beneath.
His smile, as he fired,
Showed each of his teeth,
'Cause true Love upon this girl
He would bequeath.
With alcohol turning his
Vision to blur,
Cupid came sev'ral yards
From hitting her.
So rather than make her
Pulse race and heart stir,
The arrow had lodged itself
Into a fir.
Cupid just stared at his
Stupidity;
He botched things up badly,
He could plainly see,
And hoping this problem
He could remedy,
He fired one more arrow
At a neighboring tree.
As one might imagine,
His shot went awry.
The arrow, as crooked
As Cupid, did fly,
And punctured the lonely girl
Right in the thigh,
Not helping the girl's sodden eyes
Start to dry.
Now Cupid was puzzled;
Not sure how he felt
About how this situation
Should be dealt,
For, though he did make the
Lonely girl's heart melt,
Her driven embrace would
Sure leave a welt.
At last, Cupid figured out
Which route to take.
His Love-spreading, heart-warming
Rep was at stake.
He'd fire one more arrow
At some dashing Jake,
'Cause things had to change
For decency's sake.
But time had grown scarce
And the angel's hopes sunk;
The girl was undressing while
Ogling the trunk.
So calmly ignoring the
Fact he was drunk,
Cupid still managed to
Target the hunk.
His third shot that day
Was a blazing success.
He needed to fire one more
To fix the mess.
With precision and thought and
Slight cockiness,
He aimed at the girl he had
Caused much distress.
Now Murphy was stubborn,
He just would not quit;
The aim of the arrow was
Off by a bit,
And with mighty force,
The same tree did it hit.
If Earth were the bulls-eye,
He'd probably miss it.
Both humans were fighting for
Arboreal Love,
While Cupid flew wildly,
Like a short-sighted dove.
Where once Cupid reached out
With Love-giving glove,
He now was a symbol of
Mischief above.
Instinctively, Cupid
Reached back to his quiver
With hopes that some true Love
He could deliver.
An arrow was pulled by the
Loaded Love-giver,
That pierced his own buttocks
And made his heart shiver.
Now filled with a mixture of
Liquor and passion,
Cupid fell downward in
Baby-grand fashion.
His arrows had scattered
In uneven ration
And Cupid, on impact,
Grew unsightly ashen.
The first arrow found itself
Infixed in a hearse,
And Cupid, now struck with the
Passionate curse,
Flew crazily after the
Cadaver purse.
Things had progressed from
Atrocious to worse.
At last, Aphrodite,
Eternally charmed,
Examined the scene and was
At once alarmed.
She saw all of Nature that
Her son had harmed,
And then saw her winged son
Tanked and unarmed.
She noticed two people
In love with a pine.
Elsewhere she witnessed
A deer-crossing sign
Being asked on a date by
Ernest Borgnine.
This time her befuddled son
Had crossed the line.
So calmly and nobly, she
Sank through the night,
Determined to transform
Folly to right,
And as she so gracefully
Ended her flight,
She stepped on an arrow;
How ironic, her blight.
Now filled with the love
She so frequently spread,
The Love goddess spotted
A time-beaten shed
In which Cupid's arrow
Did gladly embed.
She'd found her true sweetheart,
Though wooden and red.
In time, the effects of the
Arrows wore thin
And calm reluctantly
Settled back in,
But stern Aphrodite would not
Let Cupid win,
She always reminded him
Of his insolent sin.
As Valentine's Day comes and
Loneliness too,
And you wait for Cupid to
Turn your dreams true,
Remember, you can't shoot Love
Out of the blue.
But true Love might some day
Have targeted you.