Disclaimer –

Derek's work has been registered at the U.S. Library of Congress, so it would be a terrible financial idea to plagiarize or use any of the material found on this website for your own purposes. Nevertheless, enjoy the writing!

The Naughty List

With only a few days before Christmas, Santa is feverishly trying to compile his naughty and nice lists so the final preparations for Christmas can be made.  When stumbles across Mrs. Claus' name on the naughty list for repeated affairs, it comes out that not only has Mrs. Claus shared a bed with Manny the Landscaper, but also with Santa's own lazy, shiftless brother Wendell.  Mrs. Claus confesses, citing that Santa just simply does not have the time for both Christmas and her.  Finally, she sets down the ultimatum - it's either she goes, or Christmas goes.  What will Santa decide?

I wrote this piece for a competition at the 13th Street Reperatory Theatre (which is famous for being the home of Line, which holds the record for longest off-off-Broadway run).  I had never written a holiday specific piece before, and thought the challenge might be fun.  Without knowing exactly what it would be about, I only knew it would have to incorporate Santa's lazy, shiftless younger brother Wendell.  The fact that Wendell ended up being a rather insignificant part of the play itself  was a side-effect of plotline.  The inclusion of a sexy woman character, Eve, was just because girls in sexy Christmas gear are great.  The play ended up getting selected and was received very warmly by the crowds who came.  It also marked one of the best deliveries of any line in any play by the talented Kristen, who played Eve. 

It is interesting to note that the word 'monkey' appears in a long list of reindeer names that the actor would often forget and add his own names to.  Oddly enough, though, he never forgot to say 'monkey'. 

Personal Ratings:
Intelligence: 6
Silliness: 5
Characters: 9
Marketability: 9
Overall: 7

Click here to download The Naughty List as a PDF