Disclaimer –Derek's work has been registered at the U.S. Library of Congress, so it would be a terrible financial idea to plagiarize or use any of the material found on this website for your own purposes. Nevertheless, enjoy the writing!
To briefly explain, during my senior year of high school I ran for Student Body (Corresponding Secretary) because I really wanted to make campaign posters and write a speech. I never intended to win, based solely on my staunch unpopularity. That year, I ran unopposed (as did every position except President). As such, the candidates who had already won their respective positions by default stood up and simply said thank you and didn’t give a speech. I wasn’t going to let not having an opponent prevent me from giving a speech (especially since they would not let me withdraw my name from the ballot box after finding out I didn’t have an opponent). I stood up with this two-page speech and I could hear the groans come from the audience as I approached the podium. By the time it was completed, I had several of the “popular” kids trying to start a standing ovation. It was a nice feeling.
(I ended up being a miserable Corresponding Secretary, because they wouldn’t let me resign immediately. Oh well.)
Speech for the Position of Corresponding Secretary
Ladies, gentlemen, and in fact everybody out there waiting impatiently for me to finish, it is truly amazing in this day and age how quickly situations and emotions change. For instance, I had originally prepared this fantastic speech extolling my wonderful qualities while pointing out that every one of my candidates had committed several felonies in other states. Unfortunately, I soon discovered that my competition was not all that imposing, or in fact, existent. But I did not let this deter me from my task. Nay. In fact, I have made it a personal goal of mine to win the position of Corresponding Secretary. Now, I’ll be completely honest with all of you. When I began my campaign, I contemplated. . .(dramatic pause). . .stuffing the ballot, but I now feel so strongly in my capabilities that I am now running clean.
But do not let this prevent you from voting. I need your support. History has proven quite undeniably that many important elections have been lost by a margin of only one vote. I must admit that I would feel terrible if I lost by one vote, but I am so confident in my abilities that I will refrain from voting for myself.
I suppose now would be a good time to read off some of my credentials. Obviously, and good candidate for Corresponding Secretary must have adequate writing skills, and I am very proud to announce that I am fully. . .well, rather. . . . . .okay, okay, somewhat literate. I do have more school spirit than most people. For instance, I will be attending every football game wearing make-up. I am not afraid to voice my opinions, either. This is a hang-up of many candidates; they fear being heard. I am an active member of the Ramapo community. . .everything from actually attending all of my classes to beginning unusual fashion trends. Activities I am ardently involved with include the Ramapo Bowling Team, Gold Masque, Serendipity, Chorale, and several others that have little to no relevancy to my campaign.
So, when you get the ballot sheet, you will be faced with several important decisions. First, which presidential candidate you should choose. Second, whether or not you should even fill out the rest of the ballot sheet. But I implore you, when you get to the section concerning Corresponding Secretary, please put a check next to Derek, or if they happen to misspell my name, Darrel or Darren or whatever they have there. Thank you for your time.