Disclaimer –
Derek's work has been registered at the U.S. Library of Congress, so it would be a terrible financial idea to plagiarize or use any of the material found on this website for your own purposes. Nevertheless, enjoy the writing!(1996)
Just when you begin to trust your parachute to open up on cue,
You find that Thesselonians have stuffed your pack with enigmatic frogs.
Though falling thirty-thousand feet while racing with amphibians is great,
It makes a person think that preparation isn’t just for making toast.
Domestic applications of the common laws of physics don’t apply
To those who, through a lucky break, avoided learning common physics laws.
And as you sit at home and speculate the reason for your severed leg
You’ll understand the saying spoken miles beneath the ‘one-way’ traffic sign:
“Never leave home on a rainy day without an umbrella.
Never play chess without naming your bishop ‘Cinderella’.
Always be prepared,
Count the air we’ve shared,
Fate is not a very friendly fella.”
Nostradamus could have warned of rabid sofas conquering the world,
But you, preoccupied with thoughts of romance and the Guinness Book of Records,
Would blatantly and wrongly disregard the stage directions in the script
And end up in a hula skirt reciting Shakespeare to the Mafia.
Unless you found a method to remove a hamstring accidentally,
Your troubles would exceed the miles per hour a normal shopping cart can go.
Your mother figure writes for sitcoms, owns Quebec and even plays guitar,
But you ignored advice she gave and never paid attention when she said:
“Never leave home on a rainy day without a politician.
Never play chess without rewriting the Act of Contrition.
Always be prepared,
Count the air we’ve shared,
Fate is nothing more than superstition.”
Master Forewarned can not understand
Why he is mistaken for 4-armed man.
There’s no similarities, he insists
Yet Sir Cliché waves his mighty fists,
Which pale in number to Mr. Four-armed,
Which causes Master Forewarned to be alarmed,
Which makes Sir Cliché pick up his pen,
Which starts the ugly ball rolling again.
Fingerprint removal from a liquid surface causes great distress
Except, of course, to you who had the foresight to remove your fingertips.
And thoughts like these make Mr. Four-Armed sink into rotund oblivion
Where he examines astral charts, confusing satellites with tragedy.
But you, all tucked away among the rapid-fire of non-conformity
Will wind up looking back to find that you’ve progressed so far, but in reverse.
If only you had read the warning label placed so neatly on the head
Belonging to the Greek ambassador whose claim to stardom was this phrase:
“Never leave home on a rainy day without an alligator.
Never play chess without pawns hiding in your carburetor.
Always be prepared,
Count the air we’ve shared.
Fate won’t get you now, he’ll get you later.”
Master Forewarned can not understand
Why he is mistaken for 4-armed man.
There’s no similarities, he insists
Yet Sir Cliché waves his mighty fists,
Which pale in number to Mr. Four-armed,
Which causes Master Forewarned to be alarmed,
Which makes Sir Cliché pick up his pen,
Which starts the ugly ball rolling again.
Master Forewarned can not understand,
Why he is mistaken for 4-armed man.
Master Forewarned can not understand,
Why he is mistaken for 4-armed man.
Just when you begin to trust your parachute to open up on cue,
You find that Thesselonians have stuffed your pack with enigmatic frogs.
Though falling thirty-thousand feet while racing with amphibians is great,
It makes a person think that preparation isn’t just for making toast.
Domestic applications of the common laws of physics don’t apply
To those who, through a lucky break, avoided learning common physics laws.
And as you sit at home and speculate the reason for your severed leg
You’ll understand the saying spoken miles beneath the ‘one-way’ traffic sign:
“Never leave home on a rainy day without an umbrella.
Never play chess without naming your bishop ‘Cinderella’.
Always be prepared,
Count the air we’ve shared,
Fate is not a very friendly fella.”
Nostradamus could have warned of rabid sofas conquering the world,
But you, preoccupied with thoughts of romance and the Guinness Book of Records,
Would blatantly and wrongly disregard the stage directions in the script
And end up in a hula skirt reciting Shakespeare to the Mafia.
Unless you found a method to remove a hamstring accidentally,
Your troubles would exceed the miles per hour a normal shopping cart can go.
Your mother figure writes for sitcoms, owns Quebec and even plays guitar,
But you ignored advice she gave and never paid attention when she said:
“Never leave home on a rainy day without a politician.
Never play chess without rewriting the Act of Contrition.
Always be prepared,
Count the air we’ve shared,
Fate is nothing more than superstition.”
Master Forewarned can not understand
Why he is mistaken for 4-armed man.
There’s no similarities, he insists
Yet Sir Cliché waves his mighty fists,
Which pale in number to Mr. Four-armed,
Which causes Master Forewarned to be alarmed,
Which makes Sir Cliché pick up his pen,
Which starts the ugly ball rolling again.
Fingerprint removal from a liquid surface causes great distress
Except, of course, to you who had the foresight to remove your fingertips.
And thoughts like these make Mr. Four-Armed sink into rotund oblivion
Where he examines astral charts, confusing satellites with tragedy.
But you, all tucked away among the rapid-fire of non-conformity
Will wind up looking back to find that you’ve progressed so far, but in reverse.
If only you had read the warning label placed so neatly on the head
Belonging to the Greek ambassador whose claim to stardom was this phrase:
“Never leave home on a rainy day without an alligator.
Never play chess without pawns hiding in your carburetor.
Always be prepared,
Count the air we’ve shared.
Fate won’t get you now, he’ll get you later.”
Master Forewarned can not understand
Why he is mistaken for 4-armed man.
There’s no similarities, he insists
Yet Sir Cliché waves his mighty fists,
Which pale in number to Mr. Four-armed,
Which causes Master Forewarned to be alarmed,
Which makes Sir Cliché pick up his pen,
Which starts the ugly ball rolling again.
Master Forewarned can not understand,
Why he is mistaken for 4-armed man.
Master Forewarned can not understand,
Why he is mistaken for 4-armed man.