On March 17, 2006, the Rumors Scoopers brought you this interesting rumor about a security breach that our own beloved www.esoderek.com had received.
For almost a week last week, the piece of Americana known as www.esoderek.com was mysteriously shut down under what some consider inexplicable circumstances. Error messages flew like Mountain Dew, and Derek immediately went to web guru and fashion god Jason Lawton to find out some answers.
Jay was fascinated to discover that, even after reloading the entire contents of the site, the error messages still tumbled from Heaven like the souls of the French. It appears as though some then unnamed source had infiltrated esoderek.com, making it completely unusable. Not only that, mysterious files had been implemented throughout the site in a tactical move one could only describe as "pointlessly thorough." In addition, new text suddenly appeared throughout the site that was not originally intended to be on the site.
After diligent research interspersed with much more diligent bouts of World of Warcraft, Jason's dectetive work produced alarming results - the CIA itself had hijacked esoderek.com, leaving it a shell of its former self, only without any cool decorative shell aspects. That's right, this went as high as it could. After Jason cracked their rigid security code (who knew their password would be YayTang?) Jay was able to receive and review top secret documents that classified esoderek.com as a "high security risk" and "worthy of immediate termination" and "unfortunately pretty funny". Reasons cited for the supposed threat were none other than the rumors page you are currently browsing.
If Derek could get access to such off-limits rumors as the results of the Roker look-alike contest, the CIA determined, his public site posed a national threat to public safety. In fact, it is probable that the CIA was not altogether worried about some of the less consequential rumors that surfaced on the site. The government's biggest concern was that Derek and Jason would somehow conclude that it was the CIA that shut down sites that they considered to be risks (which in a twist of irony would never have been discovered had the CIA not shut down this site in the first place.)
With the potential cover blown off of this manhandling of consitutional rights, expect further restrictions on esoderek.com. Particularly, the two pics on hot-or-Derek labelled "Princess" and "Fetus" will most likely never see the light of day for rating.
More on this story as it develops.
In the middle of last week, Derek's home computer completely froze up, disabling it from even the simplest task of turning on. There was no provocation on Derek's part (our alert scooper confirmed that, at the time of the shut-down, Derek was not currently browsing the internet). Nonetheless, his entire computer, and every document he'd written in the last year, was thought to be lost forever.
Fortunately, by a miraculous twist of fate, Derek's computer has been restored after a few days of intensive labor on the part of Jenny from CashFunding, to whom Derek is indebted. Jenny informed Derek that not only was the culprit a virus, but also that massive amounts of 'spyware' had been detected on his hard drive.
Our scoopers, astute as ever, took it upon themselves and did the research, and, knowing of the storied past between Derek and the CIA, one such scooper hacked into the mainframe of the CIA's database to discover that it was, indeed, the CIA who try to sabotage Derek's computer. The reasons are simple: not only are the CIA scared of their snooping being discovered (especially by a guy who purports to run a comedy website), but also they are completely terrified by the general public knowing that the goverment is secretly behind the well-chronicled Sonderfan-extinction, and they are furthermore nearly pants-soiled that the rumors mill has proven that this picture exists.
It looks like the CIA will stop at nothing. And they're not even being discreet about it. "Spyware" was everywhere - they're making it obvious that they're spying on everything Derek does. A source close to Derek had this to say: "I haven't seen him since college! How's he doing?"
More on this shocking story as soon as the CIA does something else blatantly rude to Derek.
For almost a week last week, the piece of Americana known as www.esoderek.com was mysteriously shut down under what some consider inexplicable circumstances. Error messages flew like Mountain Dew, and Derek immediately went to web guru and fashion god Jason Lawton to find out some answers.
Jay was fascinated to discover that, even after reloading the entire contents of the site, the error messages still tumbled from Heaven like the souls of the French. It appears as though some then unnamed source had infiltrated esoderek.com, making it completely unusable. Not only that, mysterious files had been implemented throughout the site in a tactical move one could only describe as "pointlessly thorough." In addition, new text suddenly appeared throughout the site that was not originally intended to be on the site.
After diligent research interspersed with much more diligent bouts of World of Warcraft, Jason's dectetive work produced alarming results - the CIA itself had hijacked esoderek.com, leaving it a shell of its former self, only without any cool decorative shell aspects. That's right, this went as high as it could. After Jason cracked their rigid security code (who knew their password would be YayTang?) Jay was able to receive and review top secret documents that classified esoderek.com as a "high security risk" and "worthy of immediate termination" and "unfortunately pretty funny". Reasons cited for the supposed threat were none other than the rumors page you are currently browsing.
If Derek could get access to such off-limits rumors as the results of the Roker look-alike contest, the CIA determined, his public site posed a national threat to public safety. In fact, it is probable that the CIA was not altogether worried about some of the less consequential rumors that surfaced on the site. The government's biggest concern was that Derek and Jason would somehow conclude that it was the CIA that shut down sites that they considered to be risks (which in a twist of irony would never have been discovered had the CIA not shut down this site in the first place.)
With the potential cover blown off of this manhandling of consitutional rights, expect further restrictions on esoderek.com. Particularly, the two pics on hot-or-Derek labelled "Princess" and "Fetus" will most likely never see the light of day for rating.
More on this story as it develops.
In the middle of last week, Derek's home computer completely froze up, disabling it from even the simplest task of turning on. There was no provocation on Derek's part (our alert scooper confirmed that, at the time of the shut-down, Derek was not currently browsing the internet). Nonetheless, his entire computer, and every document he'd written in the last year, was thought to be lost forever.
Fortunately, by a miraculous twist of fate, Derek's computer has been restored after a few days of intensive labor on the part of Jenny from CashFunding, to whom Derek is indebted. Jenny informed Derek that not only was the culprit a virus, but also that massive amounts of 'spyware' had been detected on his hard drive.
Our scoopers, astute as ever, took it upon themselves and did the research, and, knowing of the storied past between Derek and the CIA, one such scooper hacked into the mainframe of the CIA's database to discover that it was, indeed, the CIA who try to sabotage Derek's computer. The reasons are simple: not only are the CIA scared of their snooping being discovered (especially by a guy who purports to run a comedy website), but also they are completely terrified by the general public knowing that the goverment is secretly behind the well-chronicled Sonderfan-extinction, and they are furthermore nearly pants-soiled that the rumors mill has proven that this picture exists.
It looks like the CIA will stop at nothing. And they're not even being discreet about it. "Spyware" was everywhere - they're making it obvious that they're spying on everything Derek does. A source close to Derek had this to say: "I haven't seen him since college! How's he doing?"
More on this shocking story as soon as the CIA does something else blatantly rude to Derek.