Derek had been single for over two years and had little prospect of climbing from the depths of singledom, based mainly on his have the social grace of a lawn chair. However, by way of a long story, Derek has found himself finally in a relationship with Jess from New York.
This has provided Derek with something that he hadn't had in a while - unattainability. For some assinine reason (as most things with women are), unattainability becomes the single sexiest thing a man can possess that isn't an accent. Now "off the market", Derek is finding offers from women who once didn't know he existed.
Of course, ever the opportunist, Derek immediately rushed out and landed himself no less than three girlfriends at the same time. This pleased him, and likely the three girls, since now he was even less attainable than before. However, as things happened, this need for combating singularity was insatiable. Despite the near-constant attention and, in his own words, 'enough sex to stuff a turkey thrice over', Derek found himself craving more.
Since our initial rumor was brought to light, our scoopers have discovered that Derek is now dating upwards of forty three women and possibly a member of the plant species. Most of the woman have been kept in the dark about his illusive and, quite honestly, deplorable behavior. By the end, however, Derek started clueing his potential girlfriends in. One of them confided in us, saying "Derek actually wooed me with the pickup line: 'I got 32 girlfriends. Wanna be my 33rd?' I mean, anyone with that many girlfriends has got to be doing something right."
While Derek was unable to be reached for comment, we were able to give a survey to 41 of his 43 girlfriends, and the plant who was unable to hold a pen. Of the forty-one surveyed, 75% said they figured someone with his intensely svelte nature could easily two-time them, 66% said they were surprised he wasn't with more than one person, 43% of them indicated they would terminate a relationship immediately if they found he was cheating, and an astound 100% volunteered that if he were, hypothetically, dating 43 girls, he would probably gloat about it on the internet. All we here at his website have to say is: Derek? Cheers.
This has provided Derek with something that he hadn't had in a while - unattainability. For some assinine reason (as most things with women are), unattainability becomes the single sexiest thing a man can possess that isn't an accent. Now "off the market", Derek is finding offers from women who once didn't know he existed.
Of course, ever the opportunist, Derek immediately rushed out and landed himself no less than three girlfriends at the same time. This pleased him, and likely the three girls, since now he was even less attainable than before. However, as things happened, this need for combating singularity was insatiable. Despite the near-constant attention and, in his own words, 'enough sex to stuff a turkey thrice over', Derek found himself craving more.
Since our initial rumor was brought to light, our scoopers have discovered that Derek is now dating upwards of forty three women and possibly a member of the plant species. Most of the woman have been kept in the dark about his illusive and, quite honestly, deplorable behavior. By the end, however, Derek started clueing his potential girlfriends in. One of them confided in us, saying "Derek actually wooed me with the pickup line: 'I got 32 girlfriends. Wanna be my 33rd?' I mean, anyone with that many girlfriends has got to be doing something right."
While Derek was unable to be reached for comment, we were able to give a survey to 41 of his 43 girlfriends, and the plant who was unable to hold a pen. Of the forty-one surveyed, 75% said they figured someone with his intensely svelte nature could easily two-time them, 66% said they were surprised he wasn't with more than one person, 43% of them indicated they would terminate a relationship immediately if they found he was cheating, and an astound 100% volunteered that if he were, hypothetically, dating 43 girls, he would probably gloat about it on the internet. All we here at his website have to say is: Derek? Cheers.