In what many consider to be the most stunning turn of events ever in Derek's life, our scoopers have discovered that Derek is tossing in his official ballot to run for President of the United States in 2008. This is fresh on the heels of his major announcement that he, for some reason, has the ability to make major announcements.
This news is particularly shocking because Derek has always been staunchly opposed to politics in any form, claiming (in a haughty British accent), "The problem with politics... is that it's full of politicians!"
Why the sudden turnaround? Our scoopers were able to meet with a trusted member of his cabinet, and former television star, Willie Aames. "I seriously don't know who you're talking about. Now stop following me," were Mr. Ames' comments. Puzzling indeed.
While not going into full details as to which of the two major parties he will run under, if either, Derek has made it known that his platforms are simple. "We're implementing what I call the Triumverate of Evil," he said in a press conference after giving out free Ring Dings to all the press. "My running mate, Corey Revilla, myself, and evil - those constitute the Triumverate. And merciless will be our wrath!" While the platforms of which he spoke were certainly bold, the press certainly got a kick out of the Ring Dings, and swore undying loyalty to Mr. Sonderfan in all his endeavors.
When asked what the first thing he would do as President was, he silently mimed picking up a refrigerator, much to the confusion of all present. More on this mind-blowing scoop as it unravels.
This news is particularly shocking because Derek has always been staunchly opposed to politics in any form, claiming (in a haughty British accent), "The problem with politics... is that it's full of politicians!"
Why the sudden turnaround? Our scoopers were able to meet with a trusted member of his cabinet, and former television star, Willie Aames. "I seriously don't know who you're talking about. Now stop following me," were Mr. Ames' comments. Puzzling indeed.
While not going into full details as to which of the two major parties he will run under, if either, Derek has made it known that his platforms are simple. "We're implementing what I call the Triumverate of Evil," he said in a press conference after giving out free Ring Dings to all the press. "My running mate, Corey Revilla, myself, and evil - those constitute the Triumverate. And merciless will be our wrath!" While the platforms of which he spoke were certainly bold, the press certainly got a kick out of the Ring Dings, and swore undying loyalty to Mr. Sonderfan in all his endeavors.
When asked what the first thing he would do as President was, he silently mimed picking up a refrigerator, much to the confusion of all present. More on this mind-blowing scoop as it unravels.