In what has become an increasingly infuriating trend for the postal service, telemarketers, and the very few people who still actually use snail mail to do anything of import, Derek shocked the world (or at least mildly surprised the few) by announcing that he will be moving to Nevada at the end of October.  So surprising has this seemingly impulsive move been that a few people close to Derek have been quoted as saying, "I guess we won't be close to Derek much longer." 

One close source who requested anonymity (or rather who requested that we call him Supra Elbent the Demi-Nooober, with which we were thoroughly uncool, so we're going with the anonymity thing) had this to say, "See, there are six reasons why Derek is doing this.  1) He isn't particularly fond of New Jersey, traffic, a close proximity to New York, which he considers a filthy collection of asphalt and ire, or humidity thick enough to put between two slices of bread and eat.  2)  He is going to be able to keep his current job.  3)  Probably most prominently, he has done a damned fool thing and fallen in love.  And while he's never been one to absolutely need companionship, he is altogether unhappy with ending the 10 month adventure that has been online cross-time-zone dating with Ashley, whom he considers a truly truly amazing person."  When asked what the other three reasons were, the source close to Derek said we'd have to call him the really stupid name again.  We didn't really care enough to find out the other three reasons.

What does this mean to the man that many have considered?  Like just in general.  Well, while the move is permanent (and marking his 9th different place he's called home since the defrauding of the Y2K debacle), Derek will likely be visiting NJ frequently, in fact, maybe as often as once every six weeks.  As part of being able to work remotely from 'the West Coast office', Derek's company will be flying him back to the main headquarters every so often to help out, especially when friend (and fellow Scrubs-aholic) Stephanie actually decides she wants to go on vacation and not have the company completely fold.  In addition, with at least three weddings before July 4th next year, Derek will be making excellent use of his newly-acquired airline credit card.  And monkeys: he will always make good use of monkeys.

Derek has meticulously weighed the pros and cons - from clean air and no poison ivy and actually getting to see his girlfriend on a given night if he wants to; to living in essentially the world's largest oven and not seeing trees or black people ever again - for at least a few days now.  And the pros outweigh the cons (by two stone).  Many people agree that this is the right thing to do at this point in his life, despite a moderately promising playwright career, a less promising disc golf career, and an outright long-shot race car driving career. 

The date is expected to happen in either late October or late November, depending on when it happens.  Stay tuned right here at for more on this story as it unfolds.