Our scoopers here on www.esoderek.com have, as per their contractual obligation, unfrozen themselves from their cryogenic pods because their pay gets docked if they go 18 months without supplying any new potential rumors. And boy, their first day back on their job was a doozie. After finding no basis for such rumors as "Derek gets a hairpiece" and "The Pointer Sisters looking to reunite with Derek as lead singer", they have managed to dig up a gem.
For the first time in nearly over fifteen years, Derek has taken in a new pet. While his family has a history of animals in the house (an adorable cat named Tiger, and dum-as-paint dog named Walter Foo VIII), Derek had only once before owned any pets himself. And it was in the form of suicidal fish. For probably 5 or 6 years, Derek maintained a tank with several fish in it whose primary joy in life was to find tiny holes in the casing of the tank to hurl themselves out of and onto the carpet. As most marine experts would know, carpeting contains very little water, sort of a "staple" of fish life. Since he got tired of vacuuming up his pets, Derek opted not to have any more pets for years. Also, considering the allergies of his wife and potentially his son, he has not been able to buy, as was once quoted by a friend of his, "enough cats to have to wade through them to get to the bathroom."
So after all these years, what pet has found itself lucky enough to be welcomed in a new home? It is a guinea pig. According to our scoopers, who were still quite groggy and not entirely cognizant, details are pretty sketchy. We do not know the gender, nor do we know how old it is. It was rescued by Ashley because the previous owner would be taking a new job and unable to care for it. Its name at the old place was "Speed Racer", though that name is likely to be replaced. Sources indicate that the guinea pig may be named "Gus", as a shoutout to Pete, father to Derek, who lobbied very hard to name one of his sons Gus, but was shot down four times.
After only a few days, hobbies appear to include sleeping, drinking heavily, and eating grass. I suppose it is only fitting that he belongs to Derek, then, as they share many hobbies. It is even reported by one scooper, on the condition of a mild headache, that Derek has even constructed a large lego-type block castle for him to play in. Smacky, who we are still trying to determine the validity of his last rumor, is fascinated by the large rodent, and as they all get more acclimated, their closeness will only increase.
We will report more on this as soon as more facts are known.