Full Name: Kal-El
Nickname(s): Superman, the Big Blue Boy Scout, Kal-Penn
Screen Name: ManOfStealingSignal
Claim to Fame: saving humanity on a daily basis, my tights
Current Residence: my mom’s basement
Pets? we had to put down Krypto the Superdog (Catwoman herpes), so not anymore
What are you reading now? The Structural Capability of the Human Vaginal Walls by Dr. Alfie W. Puddinger
Favorite fast food place/restaurant? Taco Bueno
What’s your favorite game? basically any track and field event except the high hurdles (the cape gets in the way – leap over tall buildings my ass)
Favorite song? Superman by R.E.M.
Favorite sexual position? The Speeding Bullet
Favorite drink (non-alcoholic)? Kryptonic
Favorite drink (alcoholic)? Gin and Kryptonic
Favorite smell? posies
If you were a crayon, what color would you be? supermesh (whatever you get when you combine blue, red and yellow)
What’s under your bed? tupperware bins, Supergirl
What’s the first thing you think of in the morning? “You think morning breath is bad, try waking up to find your mouth frozen shut because of your uncontrollable freeze-breath.”
Where is the best place you have ever been? Krypton (pre global destruction)
Worst place?
Pet peeves? kryptonite (green, red, gold, white, silver, orange, jewel, anti, X, magno, magic, and most of all pink. Okay kryptonites include blue, slow and kryptisium); the fact that there are nearly 20 different types of kryptonite; farting
What would you say is your best characteristic? My hair is unflappable
Worst characteristic? If you think having X-ray vision is cool, you try having sex while staring at Lois Lane’s flank steak entree get digested
If you could meet someone, dead or alive, who would it be? Bizarro Lois, because, between you and me, the regular one hasn’t washed a dish in 10 years
Do you believe in UFOs? technically, I am one
What did you do on your last birthday? went to Chuck E. Cheese’s
If you could have any job, what would it be? a mild-mannered newspaper reporter
What is the most important thing in life? Having an emblem that appears on t-shirts across the globe
What is your greatest fear? Since I’m invulnerable to all non-magic attacks, and have even been resurrected after having been killed by Doomsday, I gotta say not much. Except house centipedes.
Have you ever been in love? yes, with virtue and goodness
What is your motto? faster than a tall building, leaping over bullet trains… Jesus, I’m 72 years old, I can’t be expected to remember all of that
What would you like to be remembered for? Superman IV – seriously, I beat a dude who was made out of bits of sun!
Other Surveys:
A Sperm Betsy Ross Bryan Fenkart Cleopatra Dr. Seuss Edmund Dudley e.e. cummings Fats Gandhi God Gordon Henry VIII Iago from Othello Jaws Jessica Simpson The Jolly Green Giant Jose Canseco Madonna Mario Mike Tyson Mr. Potato Head Pele The Phillie Phanatic Pluto Ponce De Leon Tiger Woods The Tooth Fairy