Thanks reply. How break up unwanted twin?
-Spooler
It looks like we have another question from Spooler, and I would like to start with a congratulations on your use of brevity; it is a vast improvement. However, I won't continue to call you Spooler, as I know your actual identity. I'll just call you Fidel. (By the by, your broken English was a dead giveaway.)
Well Fidel, as I intimated, it is pretty simple to lose the other half of your Siamese twin-dom in various ways, almost none of which are legal or ethical. So to provide you with a foolproof method that will leave your conscience guilt-free, I need to reset my watch to last week, when I had thought of a really good answer for your question. Please bear with me.
As you pointed out in your previous letter, the magnetic field of Earth does periodically switch, and one of easiest ways to achieve this is to subversely make your twin magnetic. I'm talking HIGHLY magnetic - enough magnetic force to derail freight trains should be enough. This can be achieved by substituting electromagnets for his morning breakfast (try it when (s)he is expecting Honeycombs, because that cereal tastes most closely like electromagnets). After your Siamese twin is completely magnetic, you're ready to go. But note that timing is CRUCIAL for this to work. The twin must be at maximum magnetic capability at the PRECISE moment that the Earth shifts its magnetic polarity. Now unstable, the magnetic pull will not only rip your twin from you, but likely do so with enough power to form a clean break of all vital organs, bones, and joint bank accounts. Freedom is now just a good explanation to friends and family away.
Of course, this method isn't the most reliable, because it is not always known when the Earth's magnetic fields will shift. For a slightly more reliable method, I need to set my watch back to ancient Egypt, mainly because I like tan women. The following method will not actually sever you and your twin, mainly because there is a slight (99.9998%) chance of death when twins are severed by unnatural means, but rather this method will disguise your Siamese twin. The answer is make-up. Lots of it. Enough to make your Siamese twin resemble any of the following: a birthmark, designer luggage, paparazzi, a swarm of bees, pitching legend Bob Gibson, a handbag, a shopping cart, sandwiches, or a pocket thesaurus. Nobody would question any of these items if they were always at your side, thus eliminating your answering the age-old question, "Are you Siamese twins?" Now, you can just answer, very sarcastically, "Me and my DESIGNER LUGGAGE?!?!"
The final option you have is to evolve into a creature that no longer has the need for a Siamese twin. This may take up to several thousand years, so drink plenty of milk to help you age long enough for your twin to become obsolete.
This ends Fats' suggesting what the next bit of bad advice will be about. I'll leave that up to YOU! Yeah, you, the one with the jeans on. C'mon, you know you need some advice. Bring it.
Take me back to the List o' Wisdom