12. We Didn’t Start the Fire!: Contestants are told to re-enact every lyric of the famous Billy Joel tune… without being reminded of the actual words to the song. The promising follow-up to the previous success of ‘It’s the End of the World’ where viewers spent a season watching 24 people, dressed as Leonard Bernstein, scratch their heads.
11. ‘Gammon Rays: A science/sports hybrid program, each episode of this new competition show features a backgammon player competing against a physicist working on light ray accelerators. They compete in a myriad of competitions, including archery, grammatical syntax knowledge, and stamina in the bedroom. Hosted by Peter Gammons, Ray Romano and Sugar Ray Leonard.
10. Impulse Shopper Intervention: Compulsive buyers are locked in a room and forced to watch commercials on repeat. Hosted by Jared the Subway guy and 17 screeching monkeys.
9. I’m No Danza!: 12 Single Dads take on the challenge of keeping house while trying to survive in the tough southern Connecticut Suburbs.
8. Show Me Your Caulk: 15 carpenters patch up holes and cracks to get the ultimate contract – fixing Anthony’s Kiedis’ toilet.
7. Humble Abodes: Like ‘Cribs’ before it, this television event features the finest homes of the Pennsylvania Dutch community. Also features the devout Amish folk torn between their religious abstinence from technology and them getting really top-notch butter churners from sponsors.
6. The Real New Jersey Housewaifs: Watch bleach blonde ladies starve themselves to fit in just the right sundress to keep husbands Tony and Guido happy!
5. Extra-Ord-inary Life: Having run out of actual celebrities, this celeb-reality show tracks Randy O’Brien, mayor of Ord, NE (pop 2,269) and his family. More bleeps per episode than The Osbournes.
4. Ice Road Logarithms: Professional truckers are blindfolded and race through Antarctica while attempting to solve college level calculus problems. Winners get monthly memberships to Omaha Steaks!
3. Stairway to Riches: A takeoff of ‘Name That Tune’, this show pits contestants bidding over how long a flight of stairs they are willing to get pushed down for a large fortune.
2. Smack Talk: 16 couples spend a week in the tropics and are only allowed to talk with their hands. Hosted by Bobby Brown.
1. Booty: In this outside-of-the-box action reality series, see different people try to find booty. In one episode, Redbeard the Pegged tries to find buried treasure. In another episode, a young couple tries to find their newborn son’s missing footwear. In a third episode, Sinbad looks for butts.