12. The periodic table of elements, in case you discover a new one
11. Sherpas of varying sizes; if none are available, Oompa Loompas are also quite useful
10. A good Italian housekeeper to make sure you don’t litter – Tony Danza works cheap these days
9. A GPS with Fran Drescher’s voice so you can ward off hunters
8. Vuvuzuelas to bash yourself in the head for being dumb enough to climb a mountain
7. A swift kick in the Alps
6. The Little Engine that Could (and a tow rope)
5. A geocacher and a list of 20 fake caches
4. The party. Never forget to bring the party
3. A Mountain Goat, preferably the lead singer
2. Air conditioning
1. Bear Grylls repellent