12. Globetrotting is too dangerous nowadays. Try globe spinning. Trainspotting might also be too dangerous. Try train imagining.
11. Zoom Tony Danza (he’s free, we checked). You both should have enough time right now to find out who the boss really was.
10. Create your own holiday. Clearly you’ll be able to come up with something better than National Wiggle Your Toes Day (August 6th). And if people think what you come up with is terrible, simply celebrate Blame Someone Else Day a bit earlier than January 13th.
9. Alphabetize your yard.
8. Start a podcast with former President Rutherford B. Hayes where you get more and more frustrated at his unwillingness to contribute more.
7. Place every piece of furniture in your house cater-corner (but definitely not kitty-corner) to each other and watch the square footage disappear.
6. I dunno, like, maybe try to find a cure for the coronavirus?
5. Dial into a Zoom call from both your phone and your laptop. Don’t invite anyone else. Let both sides of your split personality shine!
4. Finally realize it is still March 29 and you’ve been caught in a time loop where time holds no meaning and we will be forced to relive these days of futility forever, minutes stretching inexorably into weeks and months stretching into the inescapable maw of infinity. Cheers!
3. Download a bunch of Ted Talks and try to better yourself. Just kidding, you should totally just go back and re-watch all of the Strong Bad emails from Homestar Runner instead.
2. Film a Tik Tok of you pickpocketing a pack of Tic Tacs from Jack Black while practicing Tic Tac Toe.
1. Create lists of twelve different poorly executed quips on moderately relevant topics with one of your best friends and post them on a website.