12. A full grill-sized George Forman grill
11. Condom Mints and Salt and Pepa (Spindarella optional)
10. A cheese grater large enough to grind cow
9. A kick-ass Facebook page
8. Takeru Kobayashi (leftovers be dammed!!!)
7. Tony Danza’s Famous Curly Hair Fries… (yep, those hairs)
6. A Ten Foot Pole to stir the soup (Frank Thomas optional)
5. Skewers for the vegetarian-kebabs (yes, I am literally suggesting you stab all the vegetarians)
4. An F-16 flyover by the Blue Angels (great in HD)
3. Randy Newman’s Jaunty Little Vinaigrette Sauce
2. Whore shoes for whore shoe pitching in the backyard
1. A theme, such as BBQ Under the Sea, or Post-ApocalyptiQue, or “Forlorn Corn, Porn, Bourne & Dorn: A Longing Patriotic Look at Sex, Espionage and Klingons”