12.  The periodic table of elements, in case you discover a new one

11.  Sherpas of varying sizes; if none are available, Oompa Loompas are also quite useful

10.  A good Italian housekeeper to make sure you don’t litter – Tony Danza works cheap these days

9.  A GPS with Fran Drescher’s voice so you can ward off hunters

8.  Vuvuzuelas to bash yourself in the head for being dumb enough to climb a mountain

7.  A swift kick in the Alps

6.  The Little Engine that Could (and a tow rope)

5.  A geocacher and a list of 20 fake caches

4.  The party.  Never forget to bring the party

3.  A Mountain Goat, preferably the lead singer

2.  Air conditioning

1.  Bear Grylls repellent 

 

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