12.  A full grill-sized George Forman grill

11.  Condom Mints and Salt and Pepa (Spindarella optional)

10.  A cheese grater large enough to grind cow

9.  A kick-ass Facebook page

8.  Takeru Kobayashi (leftovers be dammed!!!)

7.  Tony Danza’s Famous Curly Hair Fries… (yep, those hairs)

6.  A Ten Foot Pole to stir the soup (Frank Thomas optional)

5.  Skewers for the vegetarian-kebabs (yes, I am literally suggesting you stab all the vegetarians)

4.  An F-16 flyover by the Blue Angels (great in HD)

3.  Randy Newman’s Jaunty Little Vinaigrette Sauce

2.  Whore shoes for whore shoe pitching in the backyard

1.  A theme, such as BBQ Under the Sea, or Post-ApocalyptiQue, or “Forlorn Corn, Porn, Bourne & Dorn: A Longing Patriotic Look at Sex, Espionage and Klingons”

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