(This is another entry in Marshall Street's Top Ten contest. We did twelve, though I only submitted 10 to them. Jaymar did have a hand in it, though it was the first list we didn't split 50/50.)

 12. All birdies must be celebrated with a touchdown dance.

11.  Mulligans will be strictly forbidden.  Take-backsies however, will be strongly encouraged.

10. Age-restricted divisions will be done away with altogether, replaced by how-much-time-you-actually-get-to-practice-restricted divisions.

9. The victor of any B-Tier tournament will be rewarded with a Gatorade shower.  The victor of any tournament on other tier levels must simply be required to shower.

8. Taking a note from the Japan Open, all players must have not follow weight restrictions on their discs, but size restrictions too; e.g. everything must be smaller than a mini. Good news for people who are already good at quarters.

7. Foot fault from the tee box? You now have the play the rest of the round shoeless.  Throw a disc OB?  You have the play the rest of the round armless.

6. Nikko Locastro will be required to listen to only one MP3 during every tournament - a 4-hour long compilation of his own best courtesy violations.

5. If, after a nasty rollaway, you fall to your knees, extend your arms to the heavens, and exclaim "WHY GOD WHYYY?", you are allowed to use a mulligan on your putt with no penalty. If you miss the second putt, you must dress up like a flamenco dancer for the remainder of the round.

4. To level the playing field, any pro player rated 1020 or higher (930+ for women) must use a rhesus monkey as a caddy.

3. To encourage participation amongst the tech-savvy 80s crowd, three throws a round must be made with an actual 5.25 inch floppy disk.

2. Performance enhancing drugs are still banned, but performance debilitating drugs (like Novocain or laughing gas) are encouraged. Basically, if it's used at a dentist's office, you're good to go.

1. You can have a doubles partner at the USDGC only if you're a conjoined twin. In unrelated news, I expect Paul McBeth to have some unexpected surgery very very soon.


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