In honor of JayMar's upcoming wedding this month, we present you all with a special wedding edition of The Dirty Dozen Lists. I hope some of these find their way into your ceremony, JayMar. Good luck, buddy.
12. I will never ever cheat on you without screaming your name out during the cheating.
11. I vow to take down the life-size cut-out of Tony Danza, or at the very least I plan on no longer making sweet sweet love to it.
10. I will look after you, in sickness, and in health… but I swear if you make one of our kids into a Mets fan I will cut your ass.
9. I promise to make all of my other wives sleep under the bed when you’re at home, and only let them come out when you are at your mother’s visiting with the kids.
8. I promise to love you vaginally.
7. I swear I will do those dishes that have been sitting in the sink for a couple of weeks.
6. I will honor and cherish you all the days of my life that I’m in the mood.
5. If I ever accidentally find myself cheating on you, I vow not to run for public office or star in my own reality television show.
4. I vow to have and to hold… as many Taco Bell chalupas as possible!
3. I will forever discontinue the habit of using the pet name ‘My Little Fart Princess’ for you, but I will still strongly urge you to see an gastroenterologist.
2. I promise to love you and cherish you, ‘til death do us part, but I hope if it were to part us that it gets you first, because I have some stuff I’d still like to do.”
1. I promise to only say good things about our sexual experiments on my Facebook page.