12. Take your significant other on a trip around the world, but since you’re on a budget, you have to swim the whole way.

11. Asbestos.

10. An autographed 8x10 glossy of the guy who played Arvid on Head of the Class.

9. Show her how close you are to each other by inviting her into the bathroom to watch you poop.

8. Divorce papers.

7. “We’re Going Sizzler! We’re Going Sizzler!”

6. Give your girlfriend a collage of pictures of your ex-girlfriends.

5. Stand outside your significant other’s window and recite lines from Schindler’s List.

4. Edible underwear, Jalapeño flavored.

3. Create a video montage of clips of your significant other yawning.

2. Potatoes.

1. Hire Tony Danza to sing your love… works especially well if the girl’s name is Monaaaah, Samanthaaaaah, or Angelaaaaah.

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