12. A camera that can take a single flattering picture of themselves


11. A lifetime achievement award from the National Enquirer


10. Bitchin’ hair extensions


9. To get President Obama alone in a room together


8. “Chestnuts” roasting on an open fire.  Jack Frost nipping at well… something…  (and by chestnuts I mean infidels, and by Jack Frost I mean a smoking Guido with nice abs)


7. Miley Cyrus’ head on a silver platter; Tony Danza’s buns on a cookie sheet


6. Sunglasses large enough to double as umbrellas


5. To win Dancing with the Stars


4. Something with a long shaft that can explode


3. A more nurturing relationship with Russian President Vladimir Putin


2. Gunpowder, though Lindsey also asked for a rolled up 10 dollar bill with it


1. Leopard-print Snuggie

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