12. An empty canister, the mascot of Atheism
11. Slider, the Cleveland Indians mascot, shown here in action, expands his role to teach abstinence as a way to avoid venereal disease.
10. To counter Marlboro’s Joe Cool, how about the Virginia Slims Wad of Black Goo
9. A Dude Holding a Fish, the mascot of The Lake Okeechobee Okeyfenokies
8. To heck with the Foreman Grill – DanzaMakers… people won’t even need to know what it is and will still buy it
7. Scowlie, the finger-wagging mascot of the GOP
6. An oversized ham sandwich for the New York Jets, if only to see if Rex Ryan will be able to concentrate during games
5. The Vancouver Canuck, ideally Michael J. Fox
4. To be more accurate, Notre Dame Football changes its mascot from the Fighting Irish to the Fighting Mediocrity
3. For all Cleveland teams, the Cleveland Steamer, which accurately depicts the status of all Cleveland franchises
2. Surrendro, the braggadocious mascot of France
1. The Abercrombie Fitches