Fats' Bad Advice
Love is Kinda Funny Sometimes
Death by Song
Head of Carbonation
10/16/14 - The Reviews Are In! (Both of them!) (NEW!!!)
7/8/2014 - The Utility Players Artown Schedule
8/2/10 - More StageFright Shows!!!
Derek Joins Improv Troupe
Publicity for The Unusual Suspects on YouTube
Contact » I really want to date Derek... really!
Profession (salary optional):
Gender (may or may not affect applicability):
Do you care about birthsigns? (will definitely affect applicability):
Which of the aforementioned traits do you possess?
Sense of humor
If other, describe fully, starting with, "No, seriously..."
What is your best attribute?
What is your worst attribute?
What percentage of your weekly paycheck do you plan to give to supporting Derek?
In terms of looks, which of these best describes you?
a cross between Marilyn Monroe and a Chevy Impala
like Don Knotts 50 years younger
as if an amalgam of every Supreme Court justice
Ella McPhearson after a pretty severe raking accident
Other (please describe):
Have you ever been arrested for lewd conduct in public?
(If yes, please describe on separate paper, hopefully a few sheets)
Please rate the following in terms of importance:
kids (not yours)
The Sacramento Kings
What can you promise Derek in a relationship/marriage?
What do you expect of Derek in a relationship/marriage?
Do you have a large dowry?
Where do you see you and Derek in:
nine thousand years?
Any last thoughts?
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